


Oh Snap, Free Samples

by Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)



Series: Two Buck Chuck and Other Stories (or The Avengers Shop Just Like the Rest of Us, Only Not Quite) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Grocery Shopping, Implied Sexual Content, Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), M/M, Slash, could be considered non con, except not entirely, grocery shopping as a prelude to romance, mjolnir causes mayhem, slightly wholesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo
Summary: “Uh…” Peter grabbed two small cups and backed away. “Sorry. My friends are from, um, Canada.”  As he turned, he wolfed down the morsels and shrank into himself as he looked from Loki to Thor. “It’s free samples, not a conspiracy, okay? Look, they’re doing it with beer over there.”





	Oh Snap, Free Samples

**Author's Note:**

> Avengers going grocery shopping leads to intimate situations. I don't make the rules. Don't @ me with your favorite grocery stores, New Yorkers. Nothing is as comical as superheroes in Trader Joe's, and that's a fact. 
> 
> On a serious note, I realize there are consent issues with Loki and Peter, even though Peter voices his consent. This is fiction, and I acknowledge that it's problematic. If that's not something you can get past, that's understandable. Read to the five asterisks for comedy without consent issues and then stop. Or just skip this one and read its Tony/Stephen counterpart, "Impossible Cheese."

It had been Peter's idea to go to the grocery shop. Such matters as food preparation were generally beneath Loki's notice, but his keen interest in the boy combined with his brother's willingness to also endure the trip made his mind for him. Loki, who had been raised in excess, was still continually amazed by the waste of the people of earth. They entered the market to bright colors and boxes and packages and heaps of food. it certainly seemed more than any of the parishioners of the shop could consume, and as Loki understood it, only those with currency could partake of any of it, rather than distributing it to all. 

He certainly did not go so far as to advocate for equal distribution of resources. Some were simply better than others. Some were meant to rule. But one of the burdens of power was seeing that the peasantry was looked after--enough to maintain the status quo. He snapped back to himself at the sound of Peter's voice. 

"Okay, so everyone says stick to the outside because that's where the fresh produce and healthy stuff is. But..." He turned to the two of them and opened his arms wide, shrugging, "the cookies are in the center, so...let's be real."

"Cookies, young Peter?" Thor asked, glancing to Loki. 

"Oh, uh...biscuits? Sweet, crunchy...delicious."

"I would have you lead us to these cookies."

Peter grinned as he grabbed a cart. Loki watched him take several running steps and hop onto the bottom of the wheeled thing, leaning over the handle as it careened forward. Several shoppers were forced to scurry out of the way while Peter apologized, wide-eyed and smiling. The charm in his exuberance was undeniable. He hopped off and waved them after him before pushing the cart forward again. 

They found themselves in a section banked by large cold boxes containing yet more packages. From the shelves above them, Peter grabbed several boxes with pictures of sweet confections and tossed them into the cart's basket.

"Perhaps something with a spot of nutrition is in order," Loki said. 

"Oh, yeah, totally. Frozen pizzas are over here."

Peter picked up a large, flat box, which Thor took from him and turned over and over in his hands. "This does not seem like the pizza we have shared before."

"Yeah, no." Peter took the box back and tossed it into the cart, adding several others. "See, Mr. Thor, it's just gotta be popped into the oven. Or the microwave, but it's way better from the oven."

"And that is the only means of preparation necessary?"

Loki rolled his eyes, but Peter continued to explain. "Yeah, it's already ready. Just gotta heat it up and eat it. Convenient, right?"

"Indeed." Thor took one of the boxes and lifted it almost reverently, reading its contents. "Where is this Trader Joe to whom this establishment belongs. I wish to congratulate him on his fine accomplishment!" He brandished the box as if in victory. 

At this, Loki put his head in his hand. They had been recognized the moment they stepped into the mercantile, but now Thor called further attention to them with his inability to interpret anything about earth’s culture metaphorically. It was especially irksome considering he had spent so much time living among humans. 

“Uh, see, actually, Mr. Thor, that’s just…”

Loki snatched the box and tossed it back into the cart. “There is no such man, you oaf.”

“Yeah, it’s just a name. Let’s go get some popcorn.”

They walked away together, leaving Loki with the lonely cart. He pursed his lips at it, finally following, pushing it. As he turned the corner he could hear Peter chattering. 

“...but Mr. Doctor Strange says it gets stuck in your teeth. But, I mean, you can’t watch a movie without popcorn!”

“Indeed. I have been lead to believe it is a sacred ritual.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

Loki looked on with envy as Peter beamed up at his brother. He became a silent shadow, stalking behind them as they piled the cart high with gods only knew what. To those customers who thought they were being quite stealthy by acting disinterested but snapping photographs quickly with their electronic devices, Loki glared. 

As they rounded another corner to the perimeter of the store, Loki watched Peter’s face light up again. 

“Oh, snap. Free samples!” 

He hurried to a counter where a young woman was placing something in a small cup. She seemed little more than Peters age—Loki did not know what the rules governing labor of children were—and smiled at him as she offered one of the cups with a tiny, plastic fork. 

Loki quickly abandoned the cart. Both he and Thor were at Peter’s side in a flash, Loki catching the boy’s wrist as he brought the bite of food to his mouth and Thor glaring at the young woman. 

“Whoa.” Peter was frozen save for his eyes flirting between them. The girl looked worried bordering on terrified. 

“You should not eat so freely of such offerings,” Loki said, taking the cup and sniffing it. He offered it to his brother, who did the same, then handed it back. Loki ate the bite, chewing thoughtfully. 

As gods, he and his brother were immune to most human poisons. But Loki has dabbled in so many others that humans had not yet conceived that he had built an impressive tolerance. He rolled the morsels in his mouth, tasting a distinct flavor of orange with honey and other mild spices on a bland meat. He nodded to Thor. 

“It’s safe.”

“It’s...orange chicken,” the girl said slowly. 

“Uh…” Peter grabbed two small cups and backed away. “Sorry. My friends are from, um, Canada.” As he turned, he wolfed down the morsels and shrank into himself as he looked from Loki to Thor. “It’s free samples, not a conspiracy, okay? Look, they’re doing it with beer over there.”

Thor modded thoughtfully “I would sample this Earth beer.”

Loki suppresses a groan as he followed them to the smaller counter amid stacked bottles of wine. 

“Hiya, folks. Today we’ve got a nice, crisp pale ale perfect for summer. Would you like to give it a try?” The serf begins the counter said. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m not twenty-one, so…” Peter stepped back, leaving Thor before the man. 

“Sure thing. Can I just see some identification, sir?”

Loki watched as Thor furrowed his brow. “I am Thor Odinson of Asgard.”

The man smiled uncomfortably. “Just a picture ID, if you could, Mr. Odinson.”

Thor raised his hand expectantly, and Loki massaged his temple, not bothering to intervene. When Mjolnir crashed through the outer wall and aisles, causing shoppers to scream and take cover from the devastation, including the waterfall of what smelled like subpar wine from smashed bottles, Loki noticed that Peter had his phone out, presumably filming.

“Whoa. I gotta post this to TikTok, hang on just a sec…”

*****

The film came to a close, and Loki had spent most of it watching Peter from the corner of his eye. The thing itself needed little attention. He admired the tenacity of the heroine, especially considering how humans viewed women. And he had no doubt that the feline survivor was likely a Flerkin. Peter, however, had watched with keen interest, though it was clear that he had seen the work before. Humans forever seemed to fear monsters that did not exist rather than notice the ones that did. But Peter found the medium fascinating, and he peppered their viewing with little facts in between shoving popcorn between his lips. 

Loki found the enthusiasm endearing. And he was doubly pleased that by the end, his brother was snoring, slumped on the sofa beside Peter. Now, Loki found himself virtually alone with the boy in the darkened room. His patience at enduring the earlier outing, designed specifically to buy nourishment to couple with Peter's chosen form of entertainment, had finally paid off. Peter’s face was lit with the blue light of his phone screen. 

“This is TikTok is blowing up. I can’t believe Mr. Thor did that!”

“Indeed.” Loki smiled as he leaned closer to Peter, feigning interest in the small screen. “My brother is given to rash actions.” He placed his hand on Peter’s knee and squeezed lightly. “He enjoys your company.”

“Oh, yeah, me too. It’s pretty dope to hang out with Mr. Thor...and you too.” 

Peter gulped, and Loki noticed how the boy’s breathing hitched. He did not try to hide his own feral grin. Oh, yes. A day of mingling among the masses of humanity was worth it for this very moment. 

“Oh, I quite agree, little spider. I’d very much like to spend more time with you.”

“M-Mr. Loki…” Peter squirmed as Loki ran his hand higher up his leg. “I, uh...it really seems like you’re about to kiss me right now, and oh shit...I said that out loud.”

“Would you prefer it if I didn’t?” Loki asked, close enough now for their noses to almost be touching.

“No. I mean...no, I’d…” Loki could imagine the delicious blush in Peter’s cheeks as he continued, “I'd actually really like that. It’s...it’s just that your brother is...right there...and I…”

“Don’t worry so much, spiderling. He’ll quite enjoy waking up to the sight, should he wake at all.” Loki grinned again before pulling a Peter into a kiss. The boy tasted of salt and delicious youth, and Loki drank of him deeply. 

“Wow.” Peter pulled away, gasping as his phone dropped from his hands. “I’ve never had a threesome before.”

“Shh.” Loki put his fingers to Peter’s lips. He wanted a little more time before Thor joined them, so he kissed Peter again, pulling the boy half into his lap. “All in good time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I don't know why I'm obsessed with Marvel characters grocery shopping, but once again, I don't make the rules. You can find me on tumblr at miricleo!


End file.
